Let me stretch your body like cellophane wrapper, Your elasticity endlessly swallows my soft kisses, Laminating my tongue with the juices from your plump fruits, You can burn all night, Like a candle beheading it's own flame, I'm begging you to spill your magic spells on top of me until your love potion has dried, I want to taste the venom in your spit, In the crime of night with you, In the thorns of the garden with you, Life and the valley of death with you, No tear in the storm of the eye with you, No fear at the gates of hell with you, All the love I want to give, All the love I never can, All of roads unpaved, All the ghosts on the highway, Nails, Blood, Impaled, All hail all of you, All of me.
I've hit this awkward yet exciting time in discovering my sexuality. In the Latinx and chicanx culture jealousy is an expression of how you love or want someone, and it's hard to break that possessive, toxic cycle. We've been taught to repress jealousy to the point where it gets ugly, and violent rather than allowing it to be our teacher. It can lead to the places where we need the most healing. It can lead you to self discovery, and self realization. I have hurt a lot of people unintentionally because of my lifestyle, and it's time to date the same species and build emotional literacy. Communicating my emotions is very hard, but I think surrounding myself and dating people who want the same things will most definitely help me build my emotional IQ. Being brown, and androgynous already doesn't fit Society's standards, and isn't "normal," so why should I conform to a relationship structure that isn't for me? If you're in love, you will automatically lose interest in others; thus if you're having romantic or sexual feelings towards anyone other than your partner you're not really in love. This ideology has cost many people a great deal of happiness. A ring on the finger does not cause a nerve block in our genitals. I am a corny bitch who loves love from multiple people. And I think I've failed in being open about that from the start when I talk to women, and that's not okay. (This post is not to critique monogamy or justify my mistakes.) The real test of Love is when someone sees our weaknesses, our stupidity, and our smallness and still loves us. This unconditional love is what we want from our lovers, and we should expect no less from ourselves.
I confuse a lot of people all the time. I identify more with they/them, and this is because I don't really relate to men. I never grew up with the opportunities cis het men are offered. Ever since I began binding my chest I know for a fact men treat other fellow "men," way differently than they to do to "women," because I've lived through both experiences. I know what it's like to be undermined, to be restricted to the things that I enjoyed because it wasn't made for me. However, I also now know the privileges men have, and how masculinity is so fucking fragile because I feel it through every firm hand shake a dude gives me when I meet them lol. I challenge heteronormative constructs everyday in straight America. But I'm proud of who I am, and that a brown boi like me can fully understand femininity because I don't have a fragile masculine ego. My cosmic energies are dual, and I embrace that every day. #sel